I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall in love with you.
You weren’t that cute, and you had a huge ego.
Then it was 4 in the morning, and we were laughing way too hard in a graveyard.
I felt a happiness that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
It was strange.
You could make me feel special without even trying.
The moment things changed, I knew I was screwed.
You would make small remarks that made my heart race.
Sometimes it felt like we were in a movie.
We would have a back and forth while working.
You kept a towel away that I needed.
We got tangled, and I bit your arm so you would let it go.
That wicked smile sent my heart into cardiac arrest.
I don't regret a single thing that happened.
Except for that time in the graveyard.
I was in the passenger seat, daring you to make a move.
You never did.
I should have reached across the car and kissed you.
I should have held your hand while we were walking around the amusement park.
You should have put your arms around me at the movies.
I should have done more than lean against you when I needed it.
You helped me fight through terrible moments.
I could call and you would come running.
You taught me to be a fighter.
I fought hard to see how good you were.
You were so good to me, and I didn’t see it.
The other guy turned out to be bad.
He was even worse when you weren’t around.
You scared him away with your bad-guy attitude.
That attitude would stroke my wounds when he was gone.
That night, I should have done more than hug you.
It was my last night, and I said goodbye.
I didn’t think it was a real goodbye.
I thought you would call me later and we would do something we shouldn’t be doing.
I turned my back as you walked out the door.
I should have known from that longing look in your eyes.
You were saying goodbye, for real.
You ignored me and didn’t return my calls.
I asked you to come, and you said you were wasted at a party.
I couldn’t understand why you would leave me when things were getting better.
But, that’s why it was time for you to leave.
I was better, and you still had your demons.
You would never let me help you.
No matter how much I begged you to stay.
You wouldn’t.
You didn’t want to touch me with your poison.
I was pure, and for some reason, you couldn’t let me wash away your pain.
Do you ever think of me?
Do you ever regret leaving?
What do you regret?
If you could take it all back, would you?
What if I told you, even now, that you could call me and I would come running?
You can ask me to stay and I wouldn’t fight you.
Years later, and this still racks my brain.
Why?
Why would I still come running?
You’re not that cute, and your ego is the size of Texas.
After all the things we said to each other, I shouldn’t still want you.
I could do so much better.
I could have supermodels knocking down my door.
Yet, I would still give you a chance.
I wish I could call you, and you’d pick up.
I even wish you would run into me on the street, and tell me everything.
But, you can’t break someone apart and expect them to be 100%.
You can’t expect me to run into your arms.
I would, but I would second guess you.
I never cared about what your problems were.
We were in this together, and I wanted to help you.
I wanted to be your safe haven like you were mine.
That’s the point of any relationship.
Being together.
I know that you will always be in the back of my mind.
The guy I ran into the other week seems nice.
But, you’re still there.
Will he be like you?
Is he wanting to be my friend, and nothing more?
What if he leaves as you did?
I know it’s stupid.
You can’t all be the same.
It isn’t fair to hold one guy up to your standard.
But, it's fair for me to hold them higher than your standard.
You will always be a part of my life.
It is rare, but I think of you. When I hear that name, your face is there.
I wonder how you’re doing.
So, I sometimes check up on your social media.
Do you do the same?
Are these thoughts the same ones you have?
I wonder what you would think of me now?
What do you do when you think of me?
One day, maybe you’ll call.
Or, maybe, I will find someone to make me forget you.
Either way, we both deserve to be happy.
Know that, if anything, I want you to be happy.
I wrote a song about you.
In fact, every song I write has a piece of you in it.
This one was for you.
It’s about how you left.
How you said goodbye, and what it meant.
It's a shame you're no longer my partner in crime.
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